Paths of Glory

...I can't help but feel as if I've got a spell of reckless abandon coming on. By reckless abandon, i'm not sure what I mean. But I have this weird sinking feeling often as I pass by crowds of youths, slamming beers together at hip college bars, and co-ed hooking up for the evening, that I missed out on all those wild years, busy trying to attain an impossible, and undefined goal to myself, by "taking the higher road". The highter road is much different than the narrow path I, and others in my akward dispostion in life would argue, but we are probably wrong. I don't regret my college years. They were some good times. I just feel like being a "devoted" Christian since my earlier years, I've missed out on somethings I wished I didn't desire. It's easy to explain it off in a few sentences...."oh, this is just a weird stage of life". "But, you don't know what it's like to be a 26 year old, single white male, living in the basement of his parents house, dissilusioned by my own ideals, that now just seem futile"....I say only in my head in response to questions never asked by my loving, ultra-conservative (only in the world's eyes)family, who put up with my swells of apathy/passion, and migrating plagues of poverty i've put myself in, unwilling to take a job at any place like Walmart, for my aformentioned "ideals", unwritten, only eluded to in secret writings. One good thing about these blogs, is in reading others who are honest, as Itake a poke at every now and then, actually can be encouraging, rather than discouraging.
I was thinking as I had moderatly burnt Red Baron pizza that I'm glad the Bible, which I still cling to from time to time does not contain a phrase in fine print, so many other manuals/policys "Subject to change". I thought of the schedule hanging up at work. Friday has a "?" mark by my name. I'm 99.3% sure they want me to come in....but a "?" is conveniant for the scheduler's, and the payroll checkers. I'm thankful Jesus never said........"If I make some really weird statements later on, sorry, just blindly follow". Or, after say, Paul would ask a question about Jesus, Christ never said........."We'll see.....we may get around to that......"
These are good things. And for the record, I have not seen the war film "paths of Glory" yet. It just sounded like a good subject line. Happy living. I feel better already.....