Thursday, June 30, 2005

Vanity Plates

Anyone else wonder about the type of people who get "vanity plates"? Nine out of ten times they say really stupid, egocentrical things. With the exception of Duskin's which is very funny, and very clever if you get the joke,(Duskin's reads YAGOLEE which from his understanding means "I'm naked" in Russian, but he's also a lifelong goalkeeper in soccer) I've rarely seen any that weren't pointless. One such license plate I saw yesterday takes the cake. This is the epitome of horrible in my book. It read: IBLVNME
I'm sure Oprah would be proud.

Tuesday, June 28, 2005

Job Searching: The futilelity (a new gripping novel by celebrated author Andrew Jensen

"You might try back later"-everybody

Monday, June 27, 2005

If you could just see me now...

I refuse to re-write what I've already written, that is in my personal notebooks. I've got 10 or more of them. (Mead 70's college ruled if you really wanna now) I am religious about not editing what i've written, in them. On here, man I do.......Most of the time I sit down, and I have something that's buggin me, or just pounding on the inside, but I won't write about it. I just keep it to myself. Today I started writing something, then conveniently held the backspace key for awhile until there was just a blank page staring back at my and all my inadequecies. Hooey. Some of us never can get past that "what is this for" phase. To me, it's a constant phase. I know I clumsily addressed this way back when I started this mess, and here it comes again..........
It's hotter than a hand grenade outside today, but I already said "walk?" to the dog, and I owe it to her. She is sitting in the closet, sad, dejected, and feeling tricked I suppose. If I could explain to her that I got to go on these writing binges every once in awhile, to sooth the brain quells, then I would. I would also explain to her that I'm not one of those "people who write about their pets all the time"
Hmmm, welp, here's another futile post, from a seemingly futile day, sorry to dampen your day if i did, a little excercise should help though.......

Wednesday, June 22, 2005

Extra Extra! According to Aunt Jenny, I have great timing!!!!!!

The other day, I wrote my friend, whom I call "Aunt Jenny" a quick little note just to say hi. I will post her reply with her consent. This is big news though, because dear readers I excell in bad timing. Just ask my life! Or my bank..badda boom......Aunt Jenny is also one of the few people I know that read this, so if anything, this is a tribute to Aunt Jenny. Yes, good folks, perhaps you doubt it's true. Perhaps you're thinking......"I've got proof that says Andy's timing sucks in the worst way". Yes, that's fine, but Aunt Jenny is very honest, and if she says I have good timing, then maybe you better reconsider. The following is her reply.

To : Andrew Jensen
Subject : You have great timing....


Go to previous message | Go to next message | Delete | Inbox

Hey Nephew -

Work is not fun today....so your "just saying hi"
e-mail was nice and the Mitch Hedberg quote at the
bottom made me laugh out loud - which was nice. and
therapeutic. and incredibly-well-timed. thanks. :)

Have I ever told you I'm a frequent subscriber to
your blogspot? I am. I like to read it. Just
thought I'd tell you that....

Better get back to work. By the way, did you see
Pivitplex's video? You can watch it on their website.
It looks like they just throw rocks at James. Their
webpage is fun to mess around with when you're
supposed to be working and you don't
wannna.....er....oops.....gotta go -

:)
Aunt Jenny


"Be the change you want to see in the world." - Mahatma Gandhi


......glorius-Andy

Wednesday, June 01, 2005

Sunsets, Does, and F-Bomb's...

I seem to have been out of town a lot lately. It is well with my soul this way. Though I can be a home-body, lately I've been thinking better "outside the box"...if Lawrence was a box, that is. I had a lovely trip to Seattle, via my big sister who graciosly bought me a plane ticket to come be with her and my adorable little neice, Emma while her husband was in Mexico on a mission's trip. After I got back, it was not but a few days before I made a trek down to Wichita to see some friends, and meet the latest Jansen addition, Alexander Truck. Good looking kid. I think we bonded after he puked all over me, and my beloved Prayer Chain T-Shirt.....Fear not faithful readers, Soy Milk staineth not!
I purposely waited leaving Wichita until some nasty storms blew over, then didn't end up leavin 'till about 8:00pm......
My head was all foggy the night before, as I couldn't sleep, and begin to right in one of my blasted Mead 70, college ruled notebooks (Andrew Jensen use's these exclusively).
I seem to have major trouble shutting off my inner monolouge. Yes, as I type, I can hear myself think, and it can be quite a din sometimes, especially during that sleepy, yet awake phase.
On the way home, there was a darn-near perfect sunsent. I started thinking about how perfect it was, and how, even if given some sort of "design a sky program" there is noway I could have come up with a brigher, more vibrant and inspiring color scheme. Sounds cliche' and I am sorry for it, but there's something about driving that brings me closer to God. Maybe I have some form of ADD, but the movement of the car, the freedom of the highway, helps counter-act my sometimes rapid pace of thought. I became ultra-content, and ultra thankful for all that I am blessed with. Such as quality friends, and a willing to trade cars sister, even for her loser brother who's car won't drive out of town.

Somewhere between Emporia and Topeka, I started thinking about car wrecks for no apparent reason. I started being really cautious, eyes sweeping the road for deer, as it was hard to see out in the middle of nowhere (there are no exit's or stops between these town per se). I had this vision of a deer smashing through my windshield, destroying my sister's car, and possibly killing me. I started thinking about what the last thing I wrote in my journal/whatever you wanna call it notebook and wondered how it would read to people without my explaining. Sorry to sound morbid.......really I'm not....It was just a weird vibe.......I slowed down a little, was going a little under 70.....about 10 minutes later, BAM!!!!!!!!! i smacked a doe right on the left side of my car, and for a slice of a split second, I thought maybe I had hit the jackpot of roadkill collisions. I saw her eyes for maybe 1/2 second before hitting her, there was no time for brakes, or swerving. After dropping a throat wrenching F-bomb on impact (it's funny how those come out, unmeditated.....) Heart still pounding, I pulled over to the side of the lonely highway, as the Semi-Trailer roared past me and disappearing, leaving the divided highway pitch black. I hiked back on the starless shoulder a way as a few more oncoming car's headlights proved the doe was not laying there on the highway in pain, like I expected. There was no trace of her.....hopefully she made it back to the grass without dying of intenral bleeding or something. I was about to grimace when I looked at the front of the car to assess my damages. To my surprise, only the headlight was busted, and a few other dents. Fortunately the tires were fine. I don't have a cell phone (I know.....I know....) and nobody stopped to inquire about the guy standing by the hazard lights........so off i drove towards Topeka, actually in a state of thankfulness that nothing too bad happened. Hitting a deer is creepy enough, but the heightned awareness of feeling like I willed it to happen by thinking about it too much was a bit much (I don't believed I "willed it to happen")
Five minutes later I noted an informative sign on the shoulder, "Watch for Deer next five miles"......smirk.........
I reported the mishap to a gas station clerk in Topeka who called it in to the highway department, or whoever they tell. I remembered exactly what mile marker I was at, somthing I'm never aware of.........He was a nice guy, and I doubt he gets paid for giving car damage advice, calling in accidents, giving directions, etc.....

This morning I noticed the side door was dented too, and was lightly arrayed with white hair stuck between some metal.....

A lot of times when something like this happens, I think how unfortunate it is, mostly because of the money it will cost to fix it........this time I was really quite happy to be alive, and completly unharmed. Viva La Grace.