here and now=life

i think we all dream of "starting over" more often than we admit it. Vacation always seems like a logical time to do this. I'm on my first paid vacation since starting over a year and a half ago. It seems like 5 years. I'm in Everett, washington visiting sister and neices.
I've been thinking not only about life alot lately, but about death too. My grandpa passed away a few months ago, and my neice was born a few months ago as well. I've been living in a perpetual state of a roller coaster off it's track, were there seems like ups and downs, but at the same time I don't even feel like i'm experiencing either the ups or the downs to their fullest meaning if that makes any sense. Part of this could be my age, and experiences. Maybe the medicine. I Do know that i have this craving to move on and move forward that only seemed to highten when i went for a jog this morning and saw a panaramic view of the cascade mountains just over the tops of the suburban homes. Perfect weather, perfect time to move forward, or at least think in the present, which is a constant struggle for some of us.

i also started randomly reading this book my brother in law had check out from the library called "chasing life"...i thought it looked kinda cheesy as far as it's subtitle sustaining something to the effect of finding immortatlity. I don't think i want to be immortal here on earth. But that really isn't the point i've found. I got interested because i was thumbing through it and found a section on memories and alzheimers. My grandma is suffering from alzheimers and to say that it's been hard on the family would be an understatement. There's only so much you can do to help in the immediate sense, but i do know that i want to know everything I can about the disease, and not just because my Grandma has it, but because at times i get obsessed with my own ability/inability to remember certain things. I seem to be more in touch with certain memories then some people in the family, but when you find someone else that feels that way there is a weird connection.

i'm going to the locks today to watch the boats come in the harbor, and hopefully see the salmon at the salmon ladder.

keep on...